NAVIGATING THE WORLD OF PLATONIC LOVE AS A 20-SOMETHING THROUGH THE STORIES OF OUR FRANK CREATIVES.
Written by
Photographed by
Designed by
Interviewees
Haven Hathaway
Caroline Guffey
Phoebe Pope & Madeline Paradis
Caroline Guffey, Madeline Paradis, Phoebe Pope, & Zoey Marciniak
Madeline Paradis’ childhood best friend, Sofiel, moved across the street from her when she was four. Sofiel was seven, but with a few more teen magazines under her belt, she quickly became the older sister Paradis never had, who whispered secrets of knowledge and constantly challenged their bedtimes just to get another hour of play. If you ask Paradis today what Sofiel’s favorite color and childhood crush was growing up, without hesitation, she will tell you it’s purple and Joe Jonas.
Remembering things like a best friend's favorite color or childhood crush is simple for many of us. However, for Paradis, these memories of days long gone are especially vivid as she begins her 17th year of friendship with Sofiel. “Now, her favorite color is orange, and she’s married,” says Paradis. “In September, I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. I’m not sure how our friendship has endured, but it has, and I’m grateful for it.”
Although Paradis isn’t completely sure what luck in the universe has kept her and Sofiel in each other’s lives, she has a pretty good understanding of what platonic love means to her. “My platonic relationships are reminders of the breadth of my life. Each one is distinct and feeds into a different facet of who I am,” she says.
Paradis describes the ebbs and flows of platonic love as a blend of seasonal changes. I know what you’re thinking: cliche, right? But, as cliche as it might get, she isn’t wrong. Just as spring brings new beginnings and our relationships start with a freshness and excitement for new potential, we are brought back to winter, where even the strongest bonds are tested and given a chance for introspection and growth. Come to think of it, we are constantly living our lives in seasons. Every year, you know the change is inevitable, but somehow, it surprises you, and you learn new life lessons your path has never crossed. But one constant part of that journey is the platonic love that remains and shapes your identity.
Growing up, Paradis wished for more of a singular identity, but she quickly learned that her variety as a person was a gift, and the platonic love she surrounded herself with strengthened her sense of self. “Each of my relationships brings me a different kind of laughter, support, and growth, free from expectations of reciprocity, yet I hope I can always provide it,” she says. “I value these connections over anything else in my life.”
Paradis grew up in Salina, Kansas, a manufacturing town two and half hours away from Kansas City, surrounded by farmland and good Midwest hospitality that brings her a particular fondness now. Her friends came easily, which isn’t surprising as she displays an infectious joy and unwavering support I haven’t entirely found in anyone else before. “It was natural to see similarities rather than differences, and there were no established rules or loyalties regarding friendship,” she says. Her opportunities were endless, and at the end of the day, friendships were easy.
Paradis says her childhood friendships were about play and fun. They felt light and carefree. “I spent much of my childhood outside, playing with neighborhood friends. We have a round, grassy median at the top of our street nicknamed 'Bunny Island' because of the once-booming bunny population. We often rode our bikes around it or flew kites from it since it was free of trees and houses. Love was the first word I learned to write, other than my name, and I often scribbled hearts and stars,” she says.
As the air gets lighter in the spring and the sun begins to warm the sidewalks, platonic love has found its new season– a season where you feel renewal, growth, and fresh beginnings. Childhood was the ultimate spring. The detail that stuck out to me most was the significance Paradis remembers about the pink peony bushes planted alongside her house and how every year, as spring ended and summer rolled around, her mom would cut a few and display them in a vase. Similar to the peonies that undergo a process of renewal during spring, our platonic love is also undergoing a similar transformation. As the peonies enter a season of growth and pivotal experience during summer, so will our platonic love.
For Caroline Guffey, high school platonic love naturally became the summer season. Guffey, originally from St. Louis, Missouri, not only watched herself grow up during high school but also the platonic love she surrounded herself with. Guffey attended a Catholic high school where she spent the majority of her time on stage performing or behind a camera– she considered this time pivotal growth in life. As much as it pains me to confess, I agree with Guffey because high school is truly a monumental transition period. What felt like the peak of maturity and intelligence quickly became an understanding of how much more learning and experiencing we have to do in this lifetime.
Guffey’s Catholic identity throughout high school was critical to her. It was all she knew; it was the path her father wanted her to follow. However, she quickly discovered the pressure to conform to the ways of Catholicism, and what she learned as comfortable living didn't fully align with the passion, interests, and supportive platonic love she desired. “We are so worried about being judged in high school, even if we pretend we aren’t,” she says.
Guffey’s platonic love that reigned supreme during her high school years was the relationship she shared with her mother. "The odd thing about attending a Catholic school is that my mom is not religious. She always questions what she actually believes religiously," she says. "I don’t resent her for sending me there, but I just wish she could see it wasn’t the best for me, nor was it a better education.”
During our teenage years, we learn that our parents are their own individuals, distinct from ourselves. Guffey hasn’t visited home much anymore since she moved away and has to work extra hard to keep up the relationship with her mom and respect that she, too, is growing as a person. Despite the challenges she faced, Guffey looks back on the summer of her platonic love with her friends and mother as a warm and comforting time, like driving through a Midwest town and spending the night watching movies and playing games.
"I think about songs written by Hippo Campus, Dodie, and Walk The Moon. I always have such a warm feeling in my heart thinking of summer," she says. Guffey always made time to hang out with her mom in the summer because, through this growth and self-discovery, the little things like hearing Abba for the first time from her mom’s best hits CD she played 24/7 around the house made it all worth it. "These summers I miss so much," she says.
“It took time to accept change. It was very scary to know that change was coming, and it was my decision. This was also when I was exiting a long-term relationship and starting to explore my sexuality further, which were more big changes. Making those friends when I did helped nourish my growth and exploration of myself, which is a prime example of how platonic love is so powerful. I’m a completely different person than before college, and those friends really helped me through all these big changes,” she says.
Chicago was an entirely new start for her because she had little to no family and not too many of her friends or acquaintances from the past living nearby. So she began positively reflecting on this and allowing herself to authentically express who she was and open up to new forms of platonic love.
“I felt welcomed and started to build a safe space where I learned how to remove the box I felt I had been in for a while. I learn a lot from my platonic relationships and appreciate how authentic and honest they each are. The platonic love I’ve explored in college while being in the city is by far the best experience of friends I’ve had," says Pope. "There is mutual understanding being older that we each have a lot going on, and spending more time with those platonic relationships is beneficial and healthy for the soul.”
Pope says, “I’ve noticed that life has its strange way of timing things, how it weaves events and people into our lives with a possible purpose we may not fully understand. But I also think, sometimes, we have to make a shift in ourselves first to give new life a chance to come in.”
After the peak warmth and realization that change is about to occur, Phoebe Pope finds her comfort and answers with platonic love in the fall, the season she describes as the transition to college. Pope's autumnal collection includes vinyl records, photographs, pinecones, and ceramic pottery– all of which serve as reminders of the evolution of platonic love.
"Many of the friendships from high school quickly went quiet after starting college. You realize the world is much bigger than those walls. The friendships that lived on have been nurtured relationships where there is continuous checking in with one another throughout the distance and business of life via text, FaceTime, and an in-person date when time allows," she says. "We can pick up where we left off because there is reciprocated effort and care coming from one another."
Pope moved to Chicago for college from a quiet suburb about an hour away. "I was a more reserved, quiet person than I am now and had been living a very different lifestyle compared to the energy the city embodies,” she says.
She remembers how, at first, being in Chicago felt isolating. She knew opportunities were out there somewhere, but she wasn’t feeling a connection to the city yet. Just as we often compare the first few weeks of fall to summer and recall when it was warmer and "happier," Pope held on to a life she once lived but knew she had to allow herself to grow into this new one.
Winter is the season when the change officially sinks in, and we begin to embrace the year and relationships gone by. Zoey Marciniak once felt the winter blues, especially when it came time to figure out their platonic relationship's true meaning and value. However, as they entered adulthood, they realized the power of consistency and the importance of steadfastness during winter.
“There’s a lot of rapid changing during the rest of the year, but winter is a cool, blue freeze. This part of life feels like the time when I hold steady and things will work out. This part of life feels like an establishment of yourself, so there’s little to change as you grow more and more solid in your sense of self,” they say.
Marciniak describes their platonic love with their parents as one of the most important relationships in their lives, if not the most important. “My parents are two of my favorite people in the world, and I owe them so much for getting me to where I am,” they say. “Like my friends, my parents are wonderful, funny, and kind people.”
It didn’t happen overnight that Marciniak created this strong bond between them and their parents. It took getting through those other seasons of ups and downs to appreciate the steadiness of winter. Their friend group is a close-knit group of six whom they describe as funny, supportive, empathetic, and loyal, which is why the stillness of winter is a little easier. Their friends offer them a perspective and joy they can’t find in solitude.
But Marciniak isn’t quite ready to stop there because there is an unsung joy of making new friends as an adult. “To say that you’re ‘past making friends’ is an insane concept to me– I’ll be making friends until I’m 90 and housebound,” they say. “To close myself off to the other people who fill the world would be a great disservice. People who only have friends they met in college often reflect their lack of world view and inability to adapt to others.”
For Marciniak, winter is a bit narrower: "Priorities become more pressing, and therefore, we must become even more selective about who gets our time.” But as every year comes to an end in winter, you realize what is worth making an effort for in your life. Whether it's Marciniak's trusty thrifted jean jacket, still a wardrobe staple after all these years, or those once-ridiculed decorative plates that Mom collected but now hold a special place in their heart, the power of platonic love is worthy of some soul-searching.
“I learn something new every day. Adulthood forces us to humanize our parents and understand that our friends are just as deep and layered as ourselves,” they say.
As we navigate our 20s, a new season is underway, filling us with fresh optimism for the rebirth just around the corner. Our platonic love will continue to grow, expand, and make its way through the seasons of change, both good and bad. After hearing the stories of the creatives surrounding me, it became clear that they are worth sharing.
Platonic love is sometimes the only love I feel capable of, and I don’t think these connections are celebrated enough. I learned from Paradis, Guffey, Pope, and Marciniak that platonic love is the most authentic form of love we can encounter.
We never truly know what someone else is going through, but chances are they have felt the same way at some point. Seasons are universal and follow the same timeline, reflecting the emotions we all experience. I hope this encourages you to reflect on your platonic love, what it means to you, and where you see it heading. As for me, I've finally found the stability and clarity I've been searching for in my platonic connections. But I know that my journey is far from over, and I'm excited to continue growing as an individual, allowing platonic love to thrive and become a part of who I am.
